Friday night, 9:30 pm:
After 8 hours in the car, with at least one passenger recovering from an amaretto-sour-induced hangover, our heroines roll to a stop in front of the faux-old-timey National Park sign in northern Georgia.
CAMPGROUND FULL
“Didn’t the guy on the phone say it wouldn’t fill up this time of year?”
“Was I supposed to ask him?”
Fearing that they might have to spring for an expensive room in the lodge, our intrepid travelers learn that there is free camping allowed right beyond the cozy-looking cottages up the hill (fairly cheap but also full, natch).
The paved road ends, and they are alone in the car on barely-serviced gravel roads, in the pitch black. Scenes from Deliverance flash through their urban-bred imaginations.
One hungry traveler inhales a PB&J, as another ventures off into the woods with a headlamp to look for a good site.
“You know the bears will eat you first if you have peanut butter all over you, right?”
…
“Where are those napkins we stole from the lodge?” slightly panicked.
_______________________________________
Campsite chosen. Teeth brushed with water-bottle water. Tent constructed, inelegantly. Three spandex- and sweatshirt-clad women turn off the car’s headlights and climb into the 2-person tent.
“Should I set an alarm?”
“We’ll probably just get up with the sun. That’s how camping works.”
“We’re also going to bed at 10 pm.”
“Oh yeah, right.”
________________________________________
10:34 am Saturday:
“Guys, it’s 10:30.”
A moan emerges from the other side of the sunlit tent.
“I thought we’d get up with the sun.”
“I didn’t fall asleep until the sun came out.”
“Really??” says the tallest of the bunch, who had intelligently brought a sleeping pad, and to whom the other two had given the longest middle space in the tent.
Now, they try to glare at her, but the scowls on their faces are indistinguishable from the way their faces look this morning.
“You also spent the entire night rolling into us.”
“Actually, I think she just rolled into you. I was on an incline and keep rolling up against the side of the tent, away from the body warmth.”
“Guys, it was definitely down in the 30s last night.”
“Oh, we know. Also, my neck feels like there was an 18-wheeler on top of me last night.”
“My back hurts when I breathe.”
“Well I slept great!”
Glares.
“So, good thing we saved those 31 dollars each on that hotel room,” barely-veiled sarcasm.
“Can I go get a hotel room now? I’m ready for bed.”
“I have mild hypothermia in my toes.”
“I definitely did not fall asleep for more than 30 minutes at a time.”
“Who’s ready for a hike?!”
“I need to empty my bladder in the next 60 seconds or something bad will happen.”
“I briefly considered peeing in my sleeping bag last night, guys. At least I would’ve been warmer.”
“We appreciate you deciding against that.”
“Get me out of this demon tent.”
“Let’s never do this again, and let’s never tell anyone about this.”
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